Last night, all hope was gone
For opening up the big door,
Till Frodo guessed the word "Mellon",
Stupid hobbits and riddle lore.
I kept my cool, I ain't no fool,
Let me tell you What happened then
A monster chased us all inside,
And I ain't comin' out again.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
The ancient dwarven hall,
Gimli says he's comin' home,
But I'll be taking a fall.
We'll take the Ring through Moria,
Cut the tension with a knife,
Gonna battle with a Balrog,
I've gotta start a new life.

There were Seven Rings for the Dwarven kings,
Nine for Men, no doubt,
Three the Elves put on the shelves,
And the one that the book's about.
Was I so wrong to fight Sauron
Alone for all these years?
Saruman, my friend, has made me cry,
So now I'm his Pal-in-tears.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll be passing Balin's Tomb,
Gotta throw the One Ring
Into the crack of Mount Doom.
We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll fight a zillion orcs,
If they're so tough, how come they lose
To Merry and Pippin, those dorks?

When a wizard studies Sauron
In a dusty old museum,
He misses things besides the Rings,
Hey, I Gollum as I see 'em
I never really noticed
That Arwen's so damn hot.
It just so happens Aragorn's not here --
Would you like to -- oh. Maybe not.

We'll take the Ring through Moria,
We'll hope we don't get lost,
Gimli's looking nauseous,
There's a real dwarf toss.
We'll take the Ring through Moria,
I've got to lose a fight,
When I boogie with a Balrog,
But I'll be Gandalf the Whit